Connect

My happiness is no one’s responsibility but my own. The happiness of other adults is their own.

I don’t know if it’s from years of working with the public or customer service, but I have a tendency to people please. Even with my friends and family!!! I find myself laughing at jokes I didn’t think were funny, agreeing with ideas I don’t agree with to save any tension, saying yes to things I don’t want to do, dressing a certain way for a certain situation, using self degrading humor and hiding parts of myself to make others more comfortable.

I’m compassionate for myself because I know I did this because I thought it was the way to build connections AND I know better now and feel a need to break the habit.

It’s uncomfortable because it’s a new muscle I am building, but what I’ve found is vulnerability builds authentic relationships! When I show my real self others feel comfortable to show their real selves too. I’ve also found I’ve assumed people will be judgmental of certain things when really they don’t care at all or are even surprisingly supportive!

What’s helped me so far is to set an intention before entering a social situation. What’s my purpose for this interaction? Usually it’s reconnecting, venting, supporting, fun, or giving my son an opportunity to connect with someone. Then I ask, what is not my purpose? Agreeing with everything this person says, trying to control this persons happiness, trying to make myself likeable to this person, convince this person I’m a capable mom. It’s been so helpful to have clear intentions before entering the situation. What I’m still struggling with is I tend to get wrapped up in whatever the activity is and default to people pleasing habits instead of being mindful about my interactions. If anyone has any tips on how I can slow down I would appreciate it!

For this cycles full moon in 2 weeks, I’d love to form some authentic connections. Let’s get comfy, get real, and connect! Details will be on my IG.