Flow

If I've ever given you the impression that I have my shit together please don't let me fool you.

If you know me well you know I can be a hot mess. Dropping stuff, spilling drinks, forgetting things, etc. Despite this for whatever reason, I thought I'd be a graceful mother. HAHA.

Let me use this morning for example. My baby is getting bigger, which means his reach is getting longer. Today, he knocked over my coffee all over my rug. Of course, right as it happens I also realize he has a blow out. The tv is playing, my breakfast is half eaten and cold, one of his loud flashing toys is going on in the background, the cat is meowing because I haven't fed her breakfast. CHAOS!

Being a mother has humbled me, there's so much I didn't realize before. I had this vision that I'd be dressed up, going on outings, able to handle all the things the day demanded with a graceful smile and a clean house. Expectations versus reality. What I'm starting to realize is this is the main cause of my suffering. I keep thinking things should be different and getting frustrated that I can't organize my way out of the chaos. This is why one of my goals is to flow.

I can't control everything. I can only control my reaction. Today that meant turning off all the background sounds, cleaning my baby up while my husband cleaned the spilt coffee, picking up the area, opening all the blinds, and turning on calming jazz music. FLOW.

Can I let the chaos build until I have a meltdown? Yes. Is that helpful? No. Control what I can and flow with the rest. One day I'll miss the chaos of early motherhood.